Rufus Silas Wally Review: June 2007

ACHIEVE FREEDOM FROM AND THROUGH THE GREAT MOLE RAT

I normally give this pre-quiz to the attendees of my seminars in order to see who is ready to experience modules 1 and 2. Note: not for the weak willed or fiscally inept.

Good luck!

Pre-Quiz:

Are you like the rest of us? Do you often find yourself thinking:

I am serious about making a change.

Yes

I am not bothered by things that don’t bother me.

Yes

I find that I am no longer bothered by things that I once suspected would bother me in the future.

Yes

I have an overwhelming sense that the Great Mole Rat is a black void that will consume everything around me in one horrifying expanse of immeasurable movement, and that the Great Mole Rat is also the person I see when I look in the mirror, and/or everything everywhere and/or nothing at all.

Yes

If you answered “yes” or “no” to any of these questions, then you are now ready to take the full quiz.

Full-Quiz:

I am willing to take responsibility for ending my relationship, not only with others, but also with my body parts. I am ready to move forward with my own life without them or anything else. I am open to hear the truth from my “coach.” I am willing to improve my current “life skills” and “learn” how to be “alone” inside the Great Mole Rat.

Yes

I have no support community. I do not believe in building them or in edifices in general.

Yes

I am ready to identify and eliminate.

Yes

I have insufficient financial resources to invest in the coaching process.

Yes

I am able to focus my strengths on collecting sufficient finances to begin the coaching process.

Yes

I am able to see humor and a certain kind of lightness in the fact that I need a coach, which I do, from Rufus.

Yes

I am willing to accept that I am not human, that it is not OK to make mistakes or excuses, and that the only way out is to accept 5 magical rings and 4 simple steps into my life with sufficient finances so that I may be coached into the reality of the Great Mole Rat Machine, which is freedom.

Yes

I am ready to disregard my past as useless and use the truth of freedom as a springboard to dive into the future of reality and aloneness inside the Great Mole Rat. I am ready.

Yes

I am willing to build strong reserves so that I may defeat myself fully with the help of this program. I will give my money to the program Coach.

Yes

I am ready to quit my job and work for the program.

Yes

Fuck the present. I want my future inside of the Great Mole Rat inside of me now!

Yes

I am motivated to change because everything about me is wrong and bothers others.

Yes

SCORING

If your total score was:

Mostly No

You have to focus and process yourself; This is not a good time for coaching, but it is a good time to transfer your time-share to the program and begin to see your personal flaws, which are many. Consider getting “real” professional support from someone else, such as a Spiritual Architect or Jungian Calibrator. If action is not taken quickly, you may notice a slight blackening in your bones and center.

Mostly Yes

You are good; Coaching should focus on your personal finances first, then more so in the future. Email to make a complimentary 20-minute Coaching-Needs Assessment Appointment. Understand that your twenty minute session will be spent waiting for a response. There is a great and subtle meaning in waiting. If you do not find it, keep waiting. 15 cents will be added to your account for each additional minute.

All Yes

You're ready to move in with us inside the Great Mole Rat, which is Freedom. So come on! The program will help you peel off any areas that are still holding you back. Email us and then lay prostrate on the ground awaiting the transcendence. Please note, the transcendence is not tax deductible.

CHECK OUT THE PROGRAM SNEAK PEAK BELOW!

MODULE 1:

The 5 Rings of Principle:

There are 5 "Magical" rings that usher you into the Great Mole Rat all around you and inside of you. These rings are actual physical objects, available to purchase for just under $189.95. That's over $6000 in savings when you buy direct from Rufus Silas Wally!

1. Freedom: Freedom is what enables us, through the Great Mole Rat, to be who we are, to offer the products we do. From top to bottom, Freedom is the blood that flows through our company's veins. Having the Freedom to build into company walls an elaborate circulatory system through which Freedom can flow to all departments is paramount to our success. Freedom is everything. The Great Mole Rat is Freedom.

2. Respect: A mutually beneficial relationship is the only worthwhile one. We respect our customers, we respect each other, and we respect the Wiccan Spirit of Fertility (the Great Mole Rat). Without respect, we would lose our strong customer base, our company camaraderie, and our autumn harvest -- the only way to make it through the cold winter of the third fiscal quarter. Thus: Respect is the eye of the Great Mole Rat.

3. Love: Imagine a world without love. Then imagine a company without love: which is worse? A world exists of its own accord, but without love a company cannot run. Thus, the program operates under the belief that there is a finite amount of love in the world, and that as much love as possible must therefore be harnessed for the good of our company -- and finally the consumer! Now break off your marriage and place your face into the love removal orb. The Great Mole Rat is in the Orb and in you. It is the orb. It is love. It is removal. It is you.

Fig. 1.1 Aim not just for the center, but all parts at once, and also yourself.

4. The Bottomless Void: For the program to run efficiently, we make profound use of the bottomless existential void. Once thought only to be a philosophical dead end, we have discovered, in fact, that the void is more of a teleport system than anything else. Interoffice mail is smooth and instantaneous with the help of a thousand years of insecurity and uncertainty. The Great Mole Rat is the Void. It is also the Not-Void.

5. Children: Our youth is what holds these rings together. Without them, the rings would fly off in all directions, harming innocent graphic organizers. Simply put, The Company cannot run unless we have the freedom to respect those who love their children so much that they throw them into the bottomless void of existence. It is the fundamental principle on which everything relies. The Great Mole Rat finds sustenance in the idea of children. It also is the ideas of children and not-children.

ONCE YOU HAVE THE 5 MAGICA L RINGS OF PRINCIPLE, LEARN TO USE THEM WITH MODULE 2!

MODULE 2: FOUR STEPS FROM FEAR: USING THE 5 MAGICAL RINGS OF PRINCIPLE TO OVERCOME THE GREAT MOLE RAT WITH FEET

I believe that it is nothing more than a lack of acceptance and resources to follow the 5 Rings of Principle that keeps people from no longer fearing the Great Mole Rat and becoming real, both in business and in the general "Life World."

Therefore, we have developed a four-point mobility module to get you moving out of the old and into the real. It is called "The Four Steps From Fear."

Drawing from our book, The Four Steps to the 5 Rings: Discovering the One, these four steps will help you become a real person by facing the Great Mole Rat with the 5 Rings. Since immersing oneself into the only true reality via acceptance of the Great Mole Rat through the 5 Rings in four easy steps may be difficult to understand, we have elucidated the process below with a fun and easy to remember acronym:

FEET.

Here's how to turn FEAR into success through FEET:

FEEL: Touch yourself all over. Do it on the inside as well. Now, ask yourself, What is my vision? What is my goal? What do I want? Lay out exactly what you want and what you need and realize that they are in fact synonymous. Get clear: you want to rid yourself of the Fear of the Great Mole Rat by using the 5 Rings in Four Easy Steps.

ENTER: Notice the warning signs. They are yellow and black. Notice your face and how you resist the ultimate goal. Notice your fright. That's good: keep it for copyright and take note of it on paper or with a voice recording device. Use your notes to enter (they will be collected at the door) and be aware that you will be escorted into a control room in which you will have to operate various levers and buttons. To entirely avoid failure or loss, read up on mechanics and electricity.

Fig 1.2: Is this you? Understand that it is.

ENTER: This is not the same as step two. You might say, I already entered once, how can I enter again? Think about it. Now you must break your ambition-dream into pieces and watch it crumble; allow your tears to mingle with the dust of the past because it was wrong. What is your next step? What support is in place? You are all alone now.

TALK: Don’t say. Rather, choose to “talk yes" to everything. You now agree with the change and everything we say and do. If you choose "no," it is OK, simply go back to touching yourself and repeat the process until you are ready to be real. If you did “talk yes,” do not be afraid: you may be alone, but a transformation has occurred. You are ready to truly become real. You are ready to become one with the Great Mole Rat with the 5 rings. You are ready to turn fear into freedom!

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DID YOU FIND THIS HELPFUL? OR DO YOU JUST LIKE LEMONADE OR MOTHERS? THEN YOU MIGHT FIND OUR DISAMBIGUATION ON OBJECT CONSTANCY RELATIO HELPFUL!

Achieve Object Constancy Through The Family Friendly Game of Relatio

Other people do not exist! Our anxiety over separation from the mother-figure casts a shadow on the retina, confusing the mind into thinking that there are other mothers. But there are no other mothers. In fact, there was no mother at all ever! But wouldn’t that mean that there are no people and there is no you?

Yes.

Consider this: Bonding and attachment are both cornerstones of human development essential to a child's stable functioning as it grows. How are you to function without existing at all? The answer: By achieving the Golden Relatio and consuming other things that do not exist. One can only achieve the Golden Relatio if one feeds his or her nothingness with nothing at all!

We invite you to drink from our cup and identify what is not you, i.e., “the not-me possession”.

A not-me possession is an external object. An external object is a person. Do not mistake it for an object. Lemonade is a person. It is your mother. Think about it. We are asking you to realize that nothing exists. Once you understand this, you can develop a relationship with any object that you previously thought existed – because they are people but they do not exist and they are not you, and they are your mother.

The connection that you do (not) have with other things that do (not) exist is expressed in a “relatio.” Relatios are measured in NothingMotherUnits (NMU)

Figure A: Is this you? Understand that it is (not).

Why (not) lemonade? Think about it – does anything else say mother like a cold, tall glass of lemonade? Lemonade is the oldest object of commercial relatio, dating back to the Mayan civilization where warriors roamed the countryside with monopoly rights to sell lemonade from cups from tanks from the bones of their ancestors. These warriors sought the perfect customer: their mothers. Though this philosophy of maternal liquidation originated over 1,000 years ago in Mexico, our lemonade is purely American – and more importantly, of the one true mother: your mother.

Now what? Though you do not realize it, you have been given lemons and are making lemonade. Now you are experiencing a loss of boundaries. There are layers of black static that produce blue light. It is difficult for you to see where lemonade ends and you begin. The relatio, in NMU’s, is strengthening. Count Your NMU’s as they grow. These units can be exchanged for a new not-me object for you to pair with. You must pair with an object.

But how? Keep feeding nothing with nothing and throw your life away. You have begun your courtship with the object of your choice. It is a person. It is your mother. It is the bones of your ancestors. It is you: a newborn lemon. Now perform relatio on your mother.

RELATIO: A Game of Object Pairing

Objective: The objective of this game is to establish a real relationship between two not real things.

Figure 1: Is this easy? Understand that it is!

Consider the following statement:

The empty space between stars is just as old as the stars themselves. In fact the stars don’t exist – the only thing existing is the empty space between where they aren’t. Does this scare you? Well, it should. But wait: does it titillate you? It titillates and scares the shit out of you whether you like it or not – because it is the basis of relatio, the end to which we all secretly strive.

Wait, what are we striving for? You are striving for an increased percentage score. Get it? You want points. You want to be the winner, recorded in the archives of the Universe. Yet, there are no scores, there are no archives, and there are no universes. Simply put, there is no you. So, what can you do if there are no you?

Can you still win?

Yes and No. But we prefer to say No because no is the new yes. Yes is still yes, but no is a better, updated version of yes. Ergonomic and efficient, no fits nicely into the hole where yes used to be. The hole where it used to be is your mother. Your mother is a hole.

Crawl inside the fucking hole, dick. But don’t get excited and don’t be scared. Remember: This hole is neither you nor your mother (and, of course, it is both of you—updated). But think about it: No matter what it is, it is a kind of womb and it is not there at all. It is the place where you can incubate relatio and thus rack up points using an easy checklist. Remember: the total number of points you can obtain is 23.

How do I play? Don’t be a jerk! It’s easy!

Establish a basic relationship between yourself and another object. Use twine, wire, rope, chain, or guilt, etc. Any object will do. You start with a score of zero.
Now wrap it (the relationship) in a layer of just about anything and repeat until you have about 10 layers of anything. Finally, wrap it in gift paper (so it looks nice).
Moles will appear from the hole where your mother wasn’t. They will briefly not exist .Whack them while they aren’t there to earn bonus points. You will notice that this is how you live your life anyway.

When the music stops, remove ONE layer of wrapping. Repeat until the last layer of wrapping has been removed.
Now you must face the boss. Half of the battle is gaining the confidence to KNOW that the next shot is going to be right down the middle. After you've proven to YOURSELF that this system works, you can prove it to everyone else. This is done like a cake walk. Simply Listen and Move.

The boss will have dice. If he throws a SIX, you must put on the Hat, Scarf and Gloves before he starts to unwrap the relationship with the knife and fork, and then starts to eat it.
You must disallow the boss from eating the relationship so that the protein in your mother’s brain will turn to milk and enter the only mout there is: you mouth, the eternal mouth between the stars that were never there!

How do I compute my score? The score will compute itself for you because you don’t exist. The scoring system machine (SSM) will start computing f(x) with x=0, then increment x until f(x) is negative or not prime. If a prime number appears several times, it will be only counted once. But none of this matters at all, asshole.

Great! What Can I win?

You mean, What can’t you not unwin? Here is a list of prizes, corresponding to points earned:

1. A golden clasp decorated withdiamonds and rubies

2. A golden clasp

3. A clasp worth forty pounds

4. A clasp worth forty marks

5. An "M" of gold with a diamond

6. An "O" of gold with a ruby

7. An "M" of gold with an emerald

8. A very rich ring

9. A ring of gold

10. A golden ring (2)

11. A ruby mounted on a golden rod

12. A rich silken chaplet

13. Three fine pieces of cloth

14. A swift horse with silk trappings

15. A bay horse

16. A noble courser, saddled and bridled

17. A barded destrier with harness (2)

18. A white hound with a gold collar around his neck

19. A bear

20. A talking parrot

21. A big dead fish

22. The space between two red giants

23. A big dead fish

But what can this do for me? Fuck you, don’t you get it! An interdependent social body cannot coordinate as long as its component members are locked in real relationships.

Whew, I feel amazing. Put your arms around the product of your labors. Learn to harness the power of the relatio blockade. It is made of protein. Protein gives you power. Potien comes from lemonade. Lemonade is the supple milk made from your supple mother—that’s right, I finally said it—lemonade is made from your mother. You have to sell your mother to your mother who does not exist to find out who you really are and why you do not exist. Think about it: how else can you harness the power of all this without first having the power of another object. Have it. Pair with it. That’s our motto. Have it all and pair with it all because who gives a shit, because none of it is not really not there. That’s right: you exist after all. You now have 23 points that mean nothing. Get on the exercise bike. Now you are tired and need to enjoy your relatio with our delicious, homemade lemonade.

Awareness, Magic Johnson, and You: Are We Facing a Crisis?

ARE we facing a crisis? Put it this way: have you ever been watching basketball? Moreover, have you ever been watching basketball and a Johnson drives toward the hole, beats him off the dribble, performs a massive facial, impregnates the basket when out of nowhere a commercial for big hard pipes interrupts your viewing and then you slowly start to realize - you've got forgotten something.

It hits you: Magic Johnson still has AIDS. Yes, contrary to popular belief, this problem did not just go away in the 1990's and it did not move to Africa. You remember, in fact, that Magic Johnson doesn't even have AIDS in Africa. He still has it right here at home in The United States of America.

As Sir Thomas Willard said in 1672, “Wherefore Magic Johnson betakes himself to sleep, so great a restlessness and tossing of Magic Johnson's members ensue, that Magic Johnson is no more able to sleep, than if he were in a place of the greatest torture.” Yes, Magic Johnson does go home to sleep and flails about senselessly - because he still has AIDS.

You know all this and yet, Magic Johnson doesn't have AIDS. He has HIV.

My god, Then why can't Magic Johnson sleep?

WAKE UP, PEOPLE! Are you aware that awareness keeps people awake? Magic Johnson may not have AIDS, but he has AIDS awareness. AIDS awareness is a problem not just here in America, but across the world-globe. This problem affects you and everyone you know! Everyday, more and more people have AIDS Awareness. It can be spread from person to person -- and there is no cure.

Did you know Magic Johnson is the only true source of this awareness? Why does Magic Johnson have AIDS awareness? Here are some things to keep in mind:

Can Magic Johnson still have AIDS awareness from a bug bite? YES. He has been injected with an anesthetic and a blood-meal will be served to the queen.

Can Magic Johnson still have AIDS awareness from a kiss? YES. Knowledge mates with passion and all hell breaks loose!

Can Magic Johnson still have AIDS awareness from a toilet seat? YES. But no toilet seat works without a toilet or pipes for plumbing. Booo-yah!

Can magic Johnson still have AIDS from our fine quality, big ol' pipes? YES because Magic Johnson once said: “God had a plan for me and I'm just fulfilling that plan, ... Just like HIV.”

Wait, what's happening? What is Magic Johnson's plan?

Don't you get it? It's all connected and they don't want you to know.

But who's “they?”

The Magic Johnson community at large! They is trying to cook prime rib at a startling honey mesquite velocity. He is trying to give you and everyone you know AIDS awareness in the form of a high protein dinner of collared greens and fried chicken - available at any Magic Johnson theater, which is true.

That's racist. The problem is that they is transmitting so much that their own systems can't handle it. What's worse, it's aimed at American homes.

Wake up people, it's time to wake up!

It's all the massive and aware brain of the Magic Johnson AIDS awareness machine.

For only 19.95 a month, we can give you access to pipes with which you can reverse the awareness all around you.

Be a hero. Get Pipes.

Can I really be a hero? It sounds hard. With pipes it's always hard - and big.

Wait, maybe some of you out there are thinking, “My God, I never told anyone this before - I - I - I have AIDS awareness.”

We all do! It's gone that far! Now, do we open our mouth and take that load of burnt prime rib or stick it right back to the man? Huh, HUH?

I wanna stick it! But where should it be stuck!? Right at the heart of awareness: inside the bowels of Magic Johnson. But this won't be easy. There's only one entrance and it's a tight squeeze.

Where? Through the back door. You have to climb through the marshland and acquire the magic whistle. Then you must bend the big hard pipes to change the trajectory of awareness back into MJ's angus beef hole.

NO! That's how fires start!

That's right. You have to fight fire with fire. Think of Magic Johnson as an easy bake oven radiating massive amounts of AIDS awareness at 600 degrees Fahrenheit. This shouldn't take long to do.

You have to do something you don't understand and you're probably going to die! Now get in there!

But what if I do open my mouth wide and take that load instead?

Then you're eating dinner for two, brother. Without our patented very big "pipes," fibrous cables and switches of high capacity and speed, you will unleash upon the world Magic Johnson's ultimate plan: TOTAL AIDS AWARENESS! This, in time, can become full blown AIDS awareness, an unstoppable avalanche of knowledge. And that's not what you want. Not at all!

My god, what if Total Aids Awareness DOES occur?

You have to be prepared to protect your family in a man against man, god against all scenario because at the instant the total AIDS awareness is reached, Magic Johnson will have gained control of all matter and forces not only in a single universe, but in all universes whose existence is logically possible; And this is the end times.

So, when Magic Johnson comes like the fury and in stringy spurts from all directions, how can I and/or my family survive total AIDS awareness? Is there an off ramp from the highway of the end times?

No!

Allow the dark awareness of Magic Johnson to penetrate you unprotected. Use the barbecue sauce brush!

No!

Slather everything in your spicy sauce, and then enter the arena mother fucker because this is a basketball court and you are playing alone!

Everyone you knew was incinerated at 600 degrees Fahrenheit of awareness.

Wake up: You are that awareness. You are magic Johnson barreling toward the wet, dripping dilating net. This is your one shot! The money shot!

I don't think I can do it!

Grow a pair of balls and dribble to the hole, dick. Perform the massive facial and impregnate the basket. This is not a spectators sport any longer, buddy. Get into the lotus position, missionary, wheelbarrow, doggie style, rocket ship. Dirty Sanchez, Polish block party. Just do it, fucker.

The ball goes in and you come out. Once an insignificant cell amidst crisis, you become a 2001 space baby with beautiful eyes and pipes for teeth who is too young and innocent to know anything. Ignorance is the new innocence and it is yours as a free gift when you buy our fine quality pipes and everything else we tell you to buy. You have a chance to do it all again, you fat, pathetic piece of shit. Stop thinking and this time, do it right. Do it pipes!