The Old Woman in Your House that You Ride Like a Horse Every Day Might Kill You

You might say, "Oh, please! The old woman I keep in my house and ride like a horse is utterly safe -- I've tamed her."

But a new study out of Boston College tells us otherwise. You may have trained that old woman to meet your daily riding whims, but researchers have discovered that she was not produced for that purpose.

The small warning label tucked inconspicuously under her left flank states that the old woman, manufactured at Mattel, is intended for educational purposes only -- not rough riding.

In fact, unlawful riding of the old woman in your house may cause your television to explode, triggering a chain reaction that could kill you, the old woman and most of the unsuspecting village in which you live.

When used properly, the old woman will read to your children and emit a low, metallic humming sound in the back end.