Business Scents: Entry Level Positions Are Never Enough

There is no need to elucidate that pun or lewd innuendo inherent to the phrase "entry level position." That in order to gain such elementary status, the first foothold on the corporate ladder, requires you to get into a position which would enable easy entry should be, by now at least, common sense and household knowledge, much the same as we understand innately how to butter bread or poach an egg, as if from birth we emerged with knives and smears and boiling wisps of white on our fingertips. And that competitive anal sex as a job asset is therefore tantamount to such breakfast trivialities only furthers the argument that entry level positions and their requisite maneuvers are humdrum and rather boring.

Rather, the truly wayward professional should not bother his/herself with the lallygagging associated with these old fashioned and outmoded fetish-to-the-top approaches -- if one is truly ambitious, one should be more concerned with gaining a removal or extraction level position, such that not only will you be entered but that also something shall be taken from within you. This type of gift giving may seem new now, but it is actually in the ancient tradition of making homages and offerings that our ancestors often reveled in. We should be so lucky as to carry on this bygone tradition by opening our orifices to the lowest level project managers and letting them pull from our colons meager trinkets and stuffed curiosities as if plucking winnings from a coin-operated claw game. And that's the rub, isn't it? There's little in this world that separates our bodies or our lives from coin-operated claw games. Shove something in there and see what comes out -- the sooner you realize that this is the natural and honest state of things, the sooner you will have a slim shot of maybe ascending one pay step.

Be creative: as you offer yourself to superiors, think of new and innovative ways to become open. What other holes do you have? What other holes can you make? If you sense that the higher-ups are having trouble removing a prize from you, don't be afraid to shimmy or shake a bit to jostle something out -- it will only flatter and enamor them to you -- and as you lay there prostrate in the extraction level position waiting for the big one, ignore all the others around you in the arcade. Their successes or failures in their own positions are of no consequence to you. If you see them bleeding or being broken down for parts, know that this is rare and probably incidental.