Daily Inspiration #121: Smuggle Your Spirit Across The Boarder

Do you ever feel down? Little? Small? Like you are in the wrong aisle of the supermarket with someone else's groceries?

Of course you do! Let's face it, sometimes our spirits get low. "Spirit" is like gasoline: it sits inside of us in a tank where it combusts and burns and makes us move around without even trying. It's great! And, as you know, not-it is not great.

Now, if you were to open up your skull and look above the dashboard of your brain (your eyes, and, in some rare and unfortunate cases, your feet) you'd see, along with a series of knobs and switches, a gauge that goes blithely from empty to full.

And chances are, if you are like 9 out of 10 people like the rest of of except for that 1 guy -- your meter says empty. That's why you've been so sluggish, why life seems so dull and awful, why you haven't gotten out of that chair in three days, why you and pants have given up on each other.

But what happened? How did our spirits get so low?

Is it war in the Middle East? Shrinking reserves? Privatization?

No, the reason we are all running out of spirits is: increasingly tighter border control.

Yes, increased security on the US/Mexican border has made it very difficult for spirits to be smuggled into America. You just can't get your hands on the stuff anymore. In addition, customs officials and port authorities across the nation are making restrictions stricter, sanctioning more sanctions, and handing out parking tickets like there's no tomorrow, yesterday or today. Basically, getting spirits into the US is like breaking into and then back out of Fort Knox and both taking Fort Knox with you and leaving it there. In other words, it's near on impossible.

Yet, there's something that can be done. We need to stop relying on large companies to deliver our central core "us-ness" and take the market back into our own hands. (Be sure to wear gloves and goggles if you like seeing/feeling.)

You can do this! You don't need to be spiritless any longer. Rather, you deserve to be spirit-maxed.

So listen: grab a shovel, lie down on the ground, and start digging. That's right, shove that steal scoop into your chest and pull it all out. When most of you is scooped away and the shovel hits paydirt -- keep digging.

You are going to construct an elaborate system of tunnels and passages through which you and countless immigrants can run -- carrying chunks of spirit and soul beneath the earth and the authorities.

This is the change you've been waiting for.

Yet, you might soon notice that what we call "spirits" are, on closer inspection, a hell of a lot like clods of dirt, piles of rock, and tufts of grass. The resemblance is uncanny and beautiful you think. But, on even closer inspection, we notice that they are clods of dirt, piles of rock, and tufts of grass.

What? Have we cut holes into the Earth and ourselves to smuggle the earth through itself and back into us? It's like pulling our undershirt off without removing the outer one. It's horrifying and incestuous.Whatever, don't think about it. Your spirits are going up again. It feels great. You feel fantastic. I feel fantastic. We all feel fantastic.

We're running through caverns and tunnels that seem stronger and sturdier every day and we are carrying the earth into each other's bodies and we are gobbling up inlets and islands and archipelagos and subcontinents like ginger snaps and we are wearing them like pants on the other side of our legs, inside, a lining, and we are finally shopping in the only aisle there is, the only aisle we need.

Consumer tip nugget: Look for coupons in this week's daily shopper. Cut them out of his screaming body and save the blood to receive a free gift.